Emo Alert
Wednesday, August 30
Sometimes, I wonder if choices are more of a blessing, or not.
I understand from someone: there are days that we are certain that the sacrifices that we make, are going to be worthwhile and then there are days where everything feels like a sacrifice, and there are the sacrifices that we just won't be able to figure out why we made them. - relates to you too?
So they taught me when you face CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES, you weigh your desires. But, that is only helping if I know how much my desires weigh. As such, it is as good as I give them a question, they thrust me back my question.
(*rolls eyes)
Why? Oh Why?
But, you know... how can I let someone decide for me?
But... I really don't know.
Oh why?
Lately, everything seems to look like they are of no good and because everything seems to be hitting me so badly, I grieved over it, really hard. So, I have puffy eyes everyday. But I haven't been feeling well, that did help to cover up the sudden change in me, as in from hyper to cyber - quiet all day in front of the PC. But the puffed up eyes was so sore that it is disturbing me from reading...
Again WHY???
(Note to self: They said, crying is a sign of weakness?)
But, I found strength in my tears. The strength to fight my fears.
Although, things don't look as though they have improved, or is improving. Even though, I hate changes and I super duper dislike waiting games. But I supposed, like what Shirlene (aka ah ma) says: in life there are bits that I need to accept and there are bits that I just have to let go!!!
Some of you shared with me some big words of wisdom but I was too stupid and did not realize it at first. However, I am beginning to see it now. I am still learning and hopefully, not long later I will be so much stronger as I advance to the next stage of my learning curve!!!
(*This reminds me to thank the ones, you know who you are - your encouraging words, the many emails, the long distance phone calls and the messages on my tagboard. Yes, I promise I will not give up in what I believe in and I know I am really blessed with your friendships. Thank you peeps who have been sticking around with me through thick and thin! Most importantly, thank you for accepting me for who I really am)
Painful Closure
Tuesday, August 22
I used to have plans, used to know where I stand, but now I realized that things change, friends leave and perhaps, the only thing that remains constant is CHANGES, Time waits for no one and life doesn't stop for decisions to be made.
In a way, I kind of lost all that I believe in and I have never seen myself so depressed. The
I guessed I need time alone to straighten my thoughts and time to pull myself together again.
IPOD Playing: Michelle Branch- Breath.mp3
...
And I... take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
BREATHE... every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
IF I JUST BREATHE...
Yes it hurts so badly.
BREATHE x2.
Sometimes, I wish I can throw my heart away. Or, let it shut herself from emotions. Yes, you may say that I would become pretty much be like a robot, which I agree. But, doesn't that make it so much easier for me, no?
It means I will be able to move around the globe without a heart, without anyone pulling my heartstring from where he or she is. However, this also means that I probably would not be able to experience those beautiful things that can only be felt by the hearts.
Well... well... I know you'll say there are always two sides to a story. Same goes, good and bad to every occurrence, depending on how you see them. But sadly, I am just so blinded and upset that I don't seem to be able to see anything in positive light now.
Maybe heading home makes a lot of things simpler and easier to handle. But, I don't know why I am still fighting against myself here.
Brisy! Brisy! Brisy!
Wednesday, August 16
Luggage is still unpack. Needa fly home to get it done after work!
Maybe I will get a rendezvous date. Maybe not. *wink***
Oh yes... I forgot to tell you, I had a manicure done last night...pale pink and bright pink tips. Apparently, it glows in the dark and I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK now!!!! HAHAHA
I love to travel! I love to roam on the streets with strangers, wondering... .... where do humans come from?
Emotions R Brewing
Thursday, August 10
We see each other almost everyday.
We love each other.
We hate each other.
We argued.
We made up.
We argue again.
We made up again.
Sometimes, we even feel like killing each other.
But, a good thing to know is... ...
WE ARE STILL ALIVE.
Without you;
I don't know what I am capable of
Nor what I would become.
With you;
You are my biggest pain
It was all the uncertainties that reinforced our bonding
Similarly, it is also all the uncertainties that endangers this connection.
I am certainly proud of you.
I am certainly happy for you... and
I certainly hope that you'll like your new adventure (tat's if you decided to take it)
At the same time, I am very lost.
Wondering what is going to happen;
When you are gone, and I am all alone. (ok, i still have friends)
I wish I have a crystal ball.
That'll make things a lot easier.
Or a magic wand... that can satisfy my whims and fancies
Half of me want to stay.
The other half of me wants to go.
There's a small percentage of me thinking of moving over with you.
There's a tiny section of me wanting to go somewhere else.
At the same time, there are a lot of "buts" running in my head
I am not aware of how capable I am
Neither am I aware of how strong or how vulnerable I can be.
I don't know
I really don't know
but... ....
WHO KNEW (?!!!) ... ... until they are put to the test.
Life certainly goes on... ...
With or without you.
But there is obviously a significant difference
Otherwise I won't be writing now.
The future is too bright.
Too glaring that it blinds my foresight.
I can't see.
Because you might be leaving, I can't feel.
Will you hold my hand and take me through?
Or
Do I have take the journey alone... ...
like what I have done in the first place?
Perhaps I should've gone home in the first place.
Perhaps I shouldn't be thinking so much.
Perhaps I should start pondering, only when the time comes.
Perhaps... .... I need u here tonite, just like the night needs the stars
Perhaps
Perhaps...
Perhaps... ...
after all the verbal diarrhoea... ... ooOOOhh I feel better now! Better get back to work!
Nothing's happening
Monday, August 7
Work has sapped me out of creativity. My days are more like a routine... and life seems to be so boring... ...it's like before you know it, the next week arrives and you are still in the midst of catching up with the sleep debts that you rake up over the past few weeks.
Presenting a snapshot of my week! - This post is a little incoherent, because my thoughts are all over the place now
Lately, my life is centred around WORK, WORK, WORK.... Shopping (can't do without shopping)... Girlie time with Joan(!!!) ... Skin pampering sessions... ... GOLF... Playstation... (YES.. you heard me right...)
Sunday was golfing day.... and the weather was extremely perfect! The wind ain't strong, the temperature was right and the air isn't dry.... but I still have to tie up my hair otherwise... you'll see a sadako lookalike! Since it is the Lunar Seventh Month (Ghost Festival)... I don't want to be mistaken. *Grins...
Today 6 balls flew!!!! (*blushed what an improvement)
Note to self : I hope I did'nt hit the birds that are flying across!! No...Seriously!
So... ... I hereby announced that... the Winter season is almost over!!!! Lets SPRING in anticipation for the SUN!!! Today's weather is Puuurrrffeecct!!!
Prince Gan loves him.
I love him.
My colleagues loves him as well...
Everyday Lil' Stewie greats me in the morning in his pre-recorded voice. It is so funny! Hitting his voice button is my daily routine!
For those of you who do not know Stewie, he is the evil baby from the Family Guy. The cartoon is hilarious.. he is notorious! You can find out more about the cartoon at www.familyguy.com and you can pimp your stewie there too.
SSSShhhh... ... I have a secret to share.... My computer crashed at work and I went tweedling my thumbs almost for the whole of thursday!!! The IT guys were doing some remote installation on my PC and we were chating away by using NOTEPAD!!!!
Isn't it amazing?
You know... it was so heart breaking when my pearlies broke... (because of my itchy fingers that can't behave themselves) so, when I saw this at Kookai, I bought it IMMEDIATELY. I induced Joan to get it as well... ... (I am so evil, you are not spending too much when your friend spends with you)
So now, my friend have the pinkish pearls.. and I have the off-white ones... (or is it the other way round? I can't tell)
Anyway... pearls look so elegant to me.
They add instant glamour to your outfit!
SISTER J.E.F.F.R.E.Y
Thursday, August 3
There has been one thing on my blogging agenda that I have been looking forward to do. This post, presents the perfect occasion for that.
Times may have changed, the class may have parted and everyone seemed to have moved on with their lives. But this *s.p.e.c.i.a.l b.o.n.d.i.n.g has certainly grown across the oceans!!!
That year when I turned 21st (that was not too long ago, actually) he gave me this really cute card, air flown all the way from
There were verses of "Happy Birthday" in different languages, combined with pictures of him in different looks in respect to the languages that he wrote.
So, this year on his birthday... ... I tried to come up with something... ... But I have been away, so we haven't been meeting up and that's why we don't have much pictures. I know I can never be as good as what he had done, but this becomes his Friendster display picture (!!!) and I am so surprised!
Look at how much we have changed!!!
Dearest Jeff,
Happy birthday!!! Oh well, happy belated birthday. Yes my post is late... but better than nothing, rite? Thank you for being my friend. I know I am your brother and you know you are my sister. I reckon I really miss all the nonsense from you because they never fail to cheer me up during my gloomy PMSy days! Dawn,
While I adore my Oz mates, but my dearlies are really dearlies and words can never describe how much the nostalgia princess misses her friends and family that are oceans away... ...
Pictures will never replaced having been there.